i'm living with something that just isnt fair

so...

well - my medicine is making me a bit on edge.

but i guess that's how it goes sometimes.

there are two thoughts in my head at the moment.....

the first one stems from my crazy side. i haven't been able to go to the bathroom in five days and that's two days longer than i've been on the medicine. my crazy brain is telling me that my ocd is punishing me for trying to get rid of it and therefore that's why i haven't pooped.

then there's a good thought - a posi thought if you will. hopefully (fingers crossed, extra rosary, extra mass) that with the numbers deal - maybe, just maybe - i will be able to kick the dude obsession as well. can you imagine how good it would be to be free from counting and free from thinking about the same four dudes for the rest of my life?

i wanna poop but if it's one or the other i'd rather not.

in discussing shit with nick on friday he came back saturday and we drove up to the parkway - we had about ten minutes of sun to check out the leaves. we talked about what each of us wants and it sounds pretty much the same - but truth be told - i find that more suspicious than anything. i say that because i am crazy - so anyone who agrees with me on anything is either crazy themselves or is lying.