1999.
when i first watched this episode of angel (buffy/angel crossover) - it was all about jlm. i thought how i would've waited forever for him... and at the time it came out i only had to wait three more years. in 1999 i was buffy - i never got to do the things that i wanted to with him - the way that buffy ate the ice cream and made love and heard his heart beat.... i cried my eyes out that day.
today.
i watched it again.
now i'm angel. and he's tm. i am tortured remembering how good that day was - how it could be - and how it'll never be. when buffy said it's not enough time - angel still wanted to take care of her and in that way i'm buffy. i'm never gonna get that oppurtunity - but i gotta be grateful - one of those tulob moments.
but i'm now i'm lucid and the facts don't change.
post-script: i cried for hours today over this.
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