you seemed so close but yet so cold

so while talking to jlp earlier she said the only reason she knew anything about my blog was because i told her - and that even if ::you:: were reading it - it wasn't obvious.

so i read back - and i can see that.

i have been trying to protect myself this entire time - i guess because ::you:: haven't contacted me and so on - i just said it's better off.

but i wanna tell you and then i wanna be okay with the fact that you moved on and you're happy and you're exactly where you want to be.

i'm up to i wanna tell you - the rest about being okay and happy and blah blah blah is exactly where i am not today.

but that's just today.

tomorrow i may wake up and say,

"tara - you never had a proper go with him and you should give your heart the chance to just tell him that much - if only that much."

but i doubt it will be tomorrow because tomorrow i have a lot of shit to do - and i don't wanna pick my heart up - wipe it off - blow off the dirt - sew in the stitches - kiss it better.... nope... i wanna go to a meeting at noon and try and stay clean so that i will have the courage one day to say that i want another chance - or like jlp pointed out - a first real chance.

but honestly - the part i'm up to today is - i wanna tell you and i want you to say that you love me back.

happily ever after.

the end.

jenn - THAT is an obvious post. unrealistic - but obvious.