you know she thrills me with all her charms

so - everytime i try to blog about how thanksgiving ended up - it's me puking all over the page and you really don't wanna know any of it.

the bm thing is done.

now - for some awesomeness.

first of all - i'm on some fios goodness - and even though i usually creep around the internet on a cable modem - this is well... this is nice.

the trip was snafu after snafu - starting with going on a bus. besides meeting jeffari (i'm serious) who was on the way to albany to sell onepointfive pounds of mushrooms following phish for the next ten days - landing him back in charlottesville. when he heard me on the phone with a friend whining (who me?) about taking a taxi to the train station he offered and then walked me to penn station outta the bus station in times square - and after we got to msg he left me to cop dope - armed with a military style d ring that fit his knuckles.

i had his phone number.

then while waiting for njtransit (hello - when did this go double-decker) - i was pretty much yelled out by some guy and this guy jameson pretty much defended me. this trip is very different with sad and ocd - i'm not sure i will do it again.

oh yeah - and if you haven't hung around me recently or believe me when i do tell the truth about my ocd - you won't believe this part of the story but it's real.

oh it's real.

i had to flush the data card for my phone (that was my quick and cheap fix for music - since i needed some music on my trip) - well the songs were coming on in a random fashion and when i started to notice a pattern i made a deal (yes - with god) - i was convinced that god wasn't in charge since so many things went wrong on the trip (and this might have been my exhaustion) but when the sixth song in a row was a message from the devil - i took the card out before an evil final seventh song came on - and threw the card away.

now, now ... i know this sounds silly.

crazy.

but at the time - i was convinced that if the seventh song managed to be played - i might not make it to see my dad (or my kids or bedford or anything holy ever again).

so my dad took me back to his new house (which by the way is fucking gorgeous)(note: remember our older house of the two burnt down in 07) - and i slept while he went and got his second of five epidural shots for pain management.

if by how many pictures i post of my kids - you can imagine how many i have around my place... my dad has that many of me. not just pictures but the 'better' art i created growing up and even some paintings/bracelets/keychains i made in rehabs across the years. i now know exactly the love these things holds - i know because i hold onto my kids art the same way.

i went to a meeting tonight and then i stopped at the mall. come on i had to. even though we're going shopping shopping tomorrow and monday - i needed to dip into a few stores and buckled - and bought a pair of skinny jeans. and i bought them on my period - so you know i'm feeling pretty decent about that (note: me getting my period - today - another example of my hp making sure i stay outta trouble - or at least some trouble - while here!)