so dude left a note on my car.instead of telling him any of these truths:
-i don't wanna fall for anybody right now
-i am trying to not date for a lil bit
-i am in love with a past lover and he doesn't know
-i'm thinking of having a female companion but we haven't really talked about it yet
-i am technically not allowed to have a boyfriend right now
-i am not mature enough to date - instead i have hostages and i wanna learn to have a healthy relationship before i try again
-that when i go to rehab i hook up with some other vulnerable dude -- it's what i do
-i have four kids - so you have a babydaddy to deal with
-i am married
nope - i told dude i was gay. i just didn't wanna explain the truths away - instead telling him i had a girlfriend seemed the most less intrusive thing to say. i could really care less if people i work with think i'm gay either - but that could have that whole 'wanna watch' shit backfire - but for now i don't care.
i'm not going back for at least a few weeks.
i'm getting ready for church - there are too many words in nehemiah to pronounce.... but i'll figure it out. i am certain of one thing that even if the most simple words were mine to be read tonight i'd fcuk it up - i get so nervous.
but god called me to do this - i certainly wouldn't volunteer for this anxiety.
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