so being sad is a part of life.just like anxiety, being happy, being horny - and being dead. i'm not going to escape it. i gotta get through this and go through it in order to get some place else.
but i gotta admit - it sucks.
i could hide out when i'm feeling like this but that wouldn't be fair to my hp - who gives me so many blessings every day. nope - i'm gonna blog through the shitty days too.
because i can read back and see how fucking happy i usually am - and as corny as it sounds 'this too shall pass.' just like the good times pass and here i am in hell (i know!) - this is gonna pass and one day i'm gonna wake up and read this post and realize i got through that afterall.
what's bothering the badass tg? well - it's a lot of things. it's the anxiety of going home in november - it is the big d looming - it's the fact that vin is learning his abc's without me - that jericho isn't (or at least isn't vocalizing it) - it's the nagging feeling that i let the love of my life (so far) go - it's the fall allergies - it's roger federer losing - it's the interruption of broadband that happens all the fcuking time - it's the things that i can't do that it seems the rest of the world can - it's my ocd and agoraphobia - the fact that i'm not sure if i can do anything anymore the way that i'm supposed to (whatever that means) - it's the fact i wonder if my medicine and semi-lack-of-libido is making me think i can/want to do this without a man - it's all that - it's the fact that i wanna be honest about that stuff - it's the hidden fact that i wanna delete it all and hide still.
i am not sure this post will make it through the night - letting this side of me out isn't quite comfortable but i know that life isn't comfortable.
in okay news though i am knitting christmas gifts.
knit one purl one.
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