so with what i remember eating yesterday i probably consumed at least fucking 4,000 calories. it was one of those days.... those biscuits (yes, s) were 1200 alone and that was before nine am.today is gonna be nothing! well - next to nothing - i hope.
i worked out earlier and that helps - my arms and my ass - i promised the dog i'd take her for a walk tomorrow, friday and saturday that should kick me into un-lazy mode!
when i got that tm for my birthday from my brother - it opened up a chance to be normal again. have my kids... have a relationship with my sibling... have friends... i mean being clean gives me that. when i'm using i can't be there for anybody and now - well - people want to be in my life. i'm starting to feel like i can be there for other people too.
my mom talked to my sister-in-law this morning and she said - "this shits been going on long enough" - supposedly my brother bought me a mushy-gushy birthday card but didn't send it. i know how he feels. i write out emails (whether literally or in my virtual-brain) and don't ever send them... rejection is too close at that point.
ANYWAY.
i got a new bag coming - a birthday present kinda - it's a black lacoste bag but i am setting my eyes on the bag i want for the spring. i mean - it's almost spring, right? i might take my bag from last summer - take it to the cheapie dry cleaner and it might appeal to me more - but i doubt it.
whenever i let my mind go to the bags and clothes of the warmer weather i start to think about the other shit that will be happening and i embrace the cold - if it stays cold - i stay put!
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