if i could escape and recreate a place that's my own world

it's my birthday assholes.

i'm pretty tired and to tell you the truth i am sick and depressed.

it's hard to tell how depressed i am because i truly am sick. it's gotta be a good chunk though.

i haven't been to a "meeting" since wednesday - and that's just not how i do things. i went to the shrink and group therapy thursday but it's not quite the same.

friday i worked that second shift and truly it wasn't/shouldn't be called work - between my computer, the ba chat, crocheting and finishing the time traveler's wife i didn't get much done.

and i can't remember if i really did anything yesterday.... nope.

last night i got prolly one of the better gifts i'm gonna make out with:

three months of sex and submission baby.

i haven't thought of a gift that was/will be used - better than money to ac moore.

i went to bed thinking it was a dream - but nope - it still works.

fuckin eh.

so - unless my mom or dad sent me books in jail and they did (my mom took that btw when she visited one day - and that's no county jail people) ... i had to rely on the jail library. i read a lot too. mccarthy, joyce carol oates, bukowski, dostoyevsky (on and off), camus - and my secret baby - sparks.

i know.

it feels good to get that off my chest - but two things from jail have merged this morning: dear john by sparks is coming to the cinematic world with channing tatum.

oh yeah. now i know a paragraph that includes the authors it does - it almost even makes me puke a little in my mouth talking about the taking it to the streets star.

but i still have a few secrets and he's one of them.

good gawd - that guy is sexy and i don't care - i like the way he dances.

when i was pregnant with zakkary i went to hannah's wedding - i was just fifteen weeks pregnant or so and it being my first... you could hardly tell. so when jdg's dad danced with me i can see how fools like kelly osbourne can advance in celebrity dancing shows: you only need a good partner.

don't get me wrong - i can pop my ass on a dance floor but to look graceful - you need a good partner.

enter: sexy-mo-mexy-channing tatum.

we watched movies in jail too - and step up 2 was a movie i watched and will totally admit to having a picture of him above my bed (below one of my unlucky cellmates). regardless of who it was - i often rubbed one out at least once a day.

channing, beckham, romo - it was all i could get my hands on really - but it worked.

another thing that worked was looking at the hot mother-fucker guard saltarelli.

oh - and don't forget the time the paramedics came in (and we were on lock down) those fire fighters scooting around the pod were there just long enough for me to finish.

thank god for girls with sugar!