lord knows there are things we can do, baby

so - right now - if i had a boyfriend in my life that knew anything about computers it would be beneficial.

i need to know how to take those fucking google commercials off - and whether or not to take the hp updates my computer is always prompting me to take and why google chrome just suddenly changed how it looks.

i was obsessing over a non-problem and before i went to pick sharon up for the meeting i hit the bank and then mcdonalds for a sweettea (i pray that you people in the north have sweettea) - but in the drivethru there are newspaper machines - and don't forget about me obsessing over this non-problem - and the cover to the paper today is "christmas wish: to have my daddy home (yknow the whole soldier scenario)" - and here i am thinking i wanna kick some girls ass - and risk a lot of jail (see: i have about five years over my head) - over some dude.

PLEASE.

i am not the biggest thing going on out there - and the world doesn't owe me fair. tm last night destroyed me but by showing me what i used to be like again - the last time we talked it was bringing my lying over nothing - ALL the time - to the front of the stage.

last night: that i was someone that thought money was the answer to life's problems.

to tell on myself for a second - i got a call last wednesday about my divorce check - and i was in the car with my dad and told the dude i didn't know where i wanted it sent. i was scared to just send it to my address _WHERE I LIVE_ because then the divorce was real. before the meeting this morning a friend told me the divorce was real when my heart and mind agreed - it can be long over in the courts and in the dollar signs and if i don't believe it's over - it won't be.

and that's just it - sure i get this hefty check and my dad is matching it so my mortgage payment is gonna be prolly a joke - and instead of an inheritance i opted (unlike my bro) to have a trust and get a certain amount for at least thirty years (maybe more depending on interest rates) - but i don't think that makes me better than or less than anyone else.

i still love goodwill and i will never buy shit that's still not on sale (even if someone else is paying). i was in jail with people who didn't have any canteen and not for any reason but i know what it's like to come in without socks (re: i was arrested in my nightie in 2007) - so i always had extra something for those people.

because someone always gave to me.

i hope and pray that happiness never comes from a paycheck or trust again - if hearing that my son is reading books that are out-of-this-world and he's getting it - make me smile and guess what - i'm not proud of him either - i had nothing to do with it.

he should be proud of himself - he doesn't even know to be proud of himself and that's the kicker. once you say that - you're humility goes out the window - once you think you got it - you lost it.

i am heading to work after i go to take my final here in bedford - i thought why the fuck should i go to lynchburg if i don't have to. i think if i get three right i get an a - so here's to praying on that one.

i take nothing for granted today.