i was looking at myself - i was blind - i could not see

so for christmas from my mom - i asked for a tattoo.

she told me that if i got a tattoo while i lived here (with all the money i borrowed while in jail/lawyers/fines and stuff) - i could leave.

well - i can wait on the tattoo - i feel six.

so then i asked for an 'ebay-palooza' - there's a couple of things i want off ebay and once it was determined i could get a certain amount devoted to 'gently-used' birks, new earrings and a lacoste bag when i find it she was cool with that. i had to put a stop on her kohl's train because we are headed there today - and in a store i want want want but if you saw my closet you're vomit on yourself (yes - it's that bad).

i had the dream of the decade (and thank goodness there's only a few more days left - i was waiting on this) - i was in highschool forever - i was scamming my highschool (with tuition and everything) to just let me keep repeating and the boy i looooooooooooooved my junior year was a teacher. he knew i was a repeat student and finally gave into me in the dream.

his girlfriend came into the room we were 'hanging' out in and i left - but i heard them arguing and she was like, "john you're a successful dude in your thirties now why are you messing with a seventeen year-old girl - that's just weird." and he defended me.

i'm not sure if it's because i got ten hours of sleep or if it was this dream but i woke up hella-happy.

it could also be the very easy-going nature of jdg these past couple of weeks - but that prolly too will change.

my crush wasn't at the meeting yesterday - and that's all my hp. i told a friend not to let me sit near him anyway - i don't want a boyfriend. i'll tell you what i want - i want the texts; the phonecalls; the movies; the handholding; kissing; flirting; dressing up; rolling around - and that's it. everything after we roll around makes me crazy and i am definitely bound for rva and don't need one reason to stay.

including a different guy.

plus the meeting after i admitted i'm still crazy - i'm the girl that cyberstalks (even this am - high school crush isn't on facebook but his sister is) - and after he heard that do you think he ran away (which would be the appropriate response)? NO! he sat next to me and saved me a seat. said "see you tomorrow? (wink)" - i wanted to say 'i'm crazy!"

"RUN!"