just give me one thing i can hold on to

i got another victorias secret card in the mail - it's just ten bucks - but i figured that would buy at least 1/2 of a pair i saw that were cute in the internet.

this time - i'm not taking the tags off anything until i am sure it's gonna be more than one fucking date. and with the check being in the mail (i know!) - the divorce is closing in - that means if i find a place i love - i'm gone.

what does that have to do with me and my panties? well - i'm not trying to get naked with anybody here in bedford right now... cause it should not have to be said anymore but i don't get naked usually without being in love and i can't fall in love out here right now or else i might not wanna leave for rva.

therefore - i am staying clothed and panties are staying in the hopechest (it's actually a nancy meyer shopping bag - i got it with the one pair of panties i got online a bit back) - until i can give a boyfriend a healthy tara and stay focused on my kids.

so - after i returned some shit at old navy, dipped into target for wrap, rushed in and out of joanns for fabric - i went to the mall.

i got two pairs of panties - they were both super sexy and with the coupon i got both for twelve bucks. bargain, right?

as you can see i keep writing about my panties in the past tense.... and here's why.

after the mall i went to therapy and i was a tad early - so i cleaned out my car. put all the trash in a forever21 bag i had - and went into the courtland center and paid and threw the bag out in the lobby.

yup - i even threw away my new undies. of course i didn't realize this until i was going in just now. i'm gonna call tomorrow but i'm pretty sure they do housekeeping at night - and my panties are gonna be tossed.

maybe there's a reason for all this - maybe my hp thought i might show them to someone and he wants me to remain single for the time being - i can't think of any real reason why he'd have me spend my money - only to throw it away (literally!).

no reason - except i'm a stupid idiot.

then - i go at it from the backdoor and think maybe god just want me to go panty-less and fuck whoever says hi to me next.

either way - i'm not feeling good about the events that just occured.

now i gotta go to work.

fucked again.