so insomnia.yeah.
it could be literally a million things - it could be the pending d, christmas, the crush, my meds - or i could just be not sleeping for something going on in my body.
regardless - i'll get through it (as they say in jail - nobody ever died of a lack of sleep).
so dude wants to hang out tonight. he said he'd call - but we're supposed to meet at the church to go to a meeting together for eight.
but here's where it gets fucking ridiculous - my mom went to walmart to buy me a new kettle after the meeting (thus after the date asking and hug and smelling good) and erin told my mom that she talked to crush.
now - how did she talk to him when that asshole doesn't have a phone? did he talk to her in walmart maybe? or is he thinking he can play us... i mean we are friends.
it could very well be he just ran into her because she works there and said - "i went to the meeting friday - i was the only one!" but IF he called her and well - he's lying to me and we do something tonight - i think that would be really fucked up.
my dad's response - i'll buy you a vibrator, stay home.
thanks dad.
i did do one thing responsible today - and i changed the beneficiaries on my life insurance policy. and i checked the irrevocable box - meaning - i can't ever change it. so if some asshole comes in my life and is like - 'baby, i love you, make me the beneficiary i'll take care of your kids' - sorry i can't.
and um - get lost kinda thing.
then - of course - i wind up dead in a ditch anyway.
the moon looks a million miles away tonight - the upside - is now that it's after the solstice the days will be getting longer.
till june when it gets short all over-a-fucking-gain.
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