they don't about me and you

so - the two nurseries near my house did not have any crape myrtle trees that i fell in love with - so i was going to get one from this place online.
and i was telling tj about it and he offered for that to be a house warming gift - and he'd plant it. i told him i have to think about it.
that's a commitment - i don't want to have anything there that is gonna remind too much of any ex. sure some of the furniture from jason's is part of my old life - but i mean i had to take something in the divorce (even though i tell jdg in every email that i hate this with a passion).
is the tree too much?
i mean what if he breaks my heart or pulls a bm or a tm or whatever - i don't want to cut down a tree with an axe or something.

one more day of work then two weeks off - fuck yes.
last night i was like a zombie watching the lbj news conference from work.
i gotta tell you - sometimes with my anxiety, insomnia, ocd, agoraphobia - i get so into things and fail to realize life exists outside of whatever i'm 'sessing about -- that it is no wonder that zrg and i have some variation of the same conversation every single day (ten times a day).
my mom knows that whenever i am sad (and she recently told my bro this) she can sing one line to a song and i cheer right up - in a low tenor voice she sings... "i have a structured settlement and i need cash now - call jg wentworth" - and i can't help but laugh and smile.
zakkary needs the same thing - except he likes to talk about dead presidents - did you know taft died on brae's bday in 1930 - fuck yeah he did.

so yeah the move - tomorrow - TOMORROW!
i need a break though - honest to god - and then and then - last night my dad and i were talking and he's the one bringing most of everything. the kitchen table/chairs i bought - all the beds - the new 50'' tv i got (and stand - i thought about mounting it on the wall but i have dvd, VCR!, cable box, wii - to go underneath so yeah), the washer/dryer - anyway he can't park on my street it's too small - and i told him that walmart is still super friendly when it comes to that and he said "BUT FOR A WEEK?" ------ wtf? ----- nooooooo! i need tj to come man on thursday and although he would/could/might come while my dad is there still i don't quite know if i want that either.
do you see now what i mean by stress?
STRESS!