geez.not that i ever tried it - but in my dream i got busy with random dude and some dishsoap. now this is not me on so many levels and it was so bad in my dream - i know i have a serious problems with anything near/on my body during sexytime.
i absolutely hate confrontation - i hate it. but there's a saying in the rooms of the program - that when the pain of not changing gets to be more than the pain of changing - it's only then that you'll change.
well fuck - as a professed masochist i can take pain and usually take it well - well - i am pretty much done with a certain thing in my life (and this isn't about bm although we are completely done. DONE!) - this is about something that has been going on for awhile now - and while i know i can be - err i wasn't the perfect friend in the past - today/recently i try.
enough with the self-inflicted bullshit.
now i gotta act on the above - and that's where true freedom is.
i'm just tired of signing up for the same shit that i complain about.
in less whiny news i watched the hurt locker aaaaaaaaand the final destination the day before yesterday. i also watched dear john.
on the movie spectrum i am posi that you can say i was all over the place. the final destination was exactly what i expected which sometimes you need - dear john was exactly what i expected too except i am pretty posi that if i wanna find true love i gotta move to north carolina.
the hurt locker was pretty decent - i'm not sure if it's because women still are enigmas to me - but i like movies where guys 'get it' and don't need to talk about pussy the whole time (shawshank redemption) to bond.
then last night i went to church - confession (why i keep taking back my will and fucking with bm over and over and over - among other stuff) - benediction and mass where i read. the truth is - i need to get a little more strength so that i don't keep beating myself up over my past - and one day i won't allow others to either.
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