having kids is the weirdest combination of anxiety and joy that one will ever know.so here you are pregnant and they scan your baby - ten toes! brain! kidneys! you know everything a baby is supposed to have and then you push out said baby and it looks perfect - just like the picture!
but as you get to know this person things go wrong and i'm learning as you really live life with that person (ie my brother) things can go really wrong.
i learned this morning that my brother has something on his brain - don't know what yet - but it's there. and while i love my brother and want the best for him it's hard for me not to sympathize with my mom on this one.
knowing that my brother - forty-four - is my mom's first (her zrg) and how if she feels about her son like i do mine - how the pain can cripple you - well... i'm just saying signing up to have kids is really the longest and hardest thing you can do.
the only thing i can say about my brother is i know that my parents both love him without boundaries. he is their light and well - no matter what it is (probably soap bubbles or something) he'll get support from both of them - even though they aren't "together."
this is gonna be the case in all the things my kids do - i will be there to cheer them on whether it's sports, school or sickness - and the greatest part (aside from making them with jdg) is that i know he'll be there too and be there through it all - good and bad. i mean i never thought it out when we were married - 'is he the type of guy that's never gonna leave them?' - that was never on my checklist for a good dad but he sure did turn out to be.
things i got done today that i didn't think was possible: a meeting and i pooped.
things i wanted to get done but know i won't: finish this book and dry hump.
things i'll get done no matter what: watch a cry for innocence from 48 hours mystery this past saturday and paradise lost.
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