ah.so i wound up going to a superbowl party - grant it was a sober/clean superbowl party - it was too smokey! addicts don't quit their nicotine addiction when they put down the drugs that's for sure.
then i came home and pretty much had a sore throat throughout the night and still do!
the superbowl leaves a bad taste in my mouth for other reasons (noooo, not that!) - last superbowl was the first/last time me and bm used other than alcohol together and three days later was the last time i saw him as a lover (although we technically fell outta love months and months before - probably right around the time of our relapse).
so last night i talked to my sponsor about that - and getting clean right after that and being on the journey i'm on is a blessing in more ways than i can count.
i went to the bank - i hate that shit. i need to just do what's necessary and get my ass to richmond. i am dragging my feet and the longer i drag my feet - the more roots i grow. now i have two dates in the next week and well... i found yesterday (this is big) - that a date is just a date. you don't NEED to fuck at the end and you don't need to marry the guy. it could be just dinner and a movie - i have to remember that.
the last two guys i had real first dates with (jdg and bm) i wound up living with and eventually it was ugly. a date (i'm told) can be wrapped up when you go home and the bf word isn't necessary for every dude you ever hang out with.
why didn't i know that?
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