writing out what i did again would not only be torture on me but on the dude i wanna be with. you guessed it i did it again - that is bm again.i feel awful because i think i found someone that i wanna talk to - that wants to talk to me and that i feel pretty good about myself with. and i almost traded it in for what i tried so many times before.
i just had gotten home from saying to myself that i need to be treated pretty decently and that i won't settle for less and i was sneaking around - talking about crazy stuff - and acting like the old me by supper that night.
i didn't know if telling tjj what i did would ruin it but it did something different - it gave us both perspective of what we have/could have together. and that to me (just for today) is exactly what i want.
i wasn't sure even that we were on the terms of telling but motherfuck-me it felt like the only thing to do - so i was prepared for whatever he felt he had to say.
needless to say - he was okay with that one time - but said that he would have to think twice before we saw each other again if i wasn't sure about what i wanted.
i told him i had to pray about it - i wanted to be sure i wasn't just saying something he wanted to hear but that on a moral playground i could really do it - and i called him back pretty quickly. he'll be here this weekend. :)
some kind of google-image thing is selected my blog for pictures for people all around the world - the thing is i don't know which pictures it's picking. if it's the pictures that i pick for the topic picture or it's pictures of my kids! but i have hits all over the world and it just leads me back to the labeler - i might be famous somewhere one day.
maybe they'll even write a book about me - and my movie will be out the next year.
i wonder if it'll be rated nr-17 or if it'll go straight to video!
edit post: so about a half hour after i wrote that - the cute kid at work that i flirt with asked me for my phone number.
my higher power likes to show me that he's serious.
am i?
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