the pauses in writing in this thing doesn't necessarily mean things are good - sometimes they were but this past week it's been pretty much downhill.that's in my mind of course - life is still happening - and things are still going good.
but here i go and try rushing hanging out with a boy - and it backfires.
the whole time i knew me and tj couldn't last he's "too" for me (rich, far away, clean) - and i thought that a dude in the program was the fastest quickest answer to keeping me happy.
but that too is not the answer - or at least with this person it wasn't.
there is no quick fix for this girl - you know.
i'm made up of at least two million parts and i need that someone to want to know those parts and not to put them together but to watch me, hold my hand and to encourage me when times get rough.
maybe someone who would watch me as i try and figure zrg out - to say it's okay and to ask him questions and know what he needs when i can't move because of fear.
to tell vin that he need not be as big to beat jericho up and that the world will not always seem so big.
and when i talk about my parents like they are the most important people in the world - to understand - even when they aren't around.
there's the men's semis on - right now - but i still don't have the tennis channel and i gotta wait until eleven. how do people do this?
i wanna do a roland-garros.com update and see - especially because i will be working for the better part of the nadal match (how did federer knocked out in four sets remind me) - but i guess it's how it goes. i swear this shit won't last.
things to do:
figure out how to listen to it on the itouch.
i'm trying to figure out what to do with the kids tomorrow - the quicker i get to richmond the less i have to think about this stuff. the best part of not going yet - having my people here.
but i know one thing for sure - just because someone lists kierkegard* in their facebook profile doesn't mean they know anything i don't.
*spelling completely intentional
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