police have the chokehold

dirty jersey.
so we went and did some more errands yesterday - doctors, shopping, meeting (just me), watched basketball and turned in mighty early.
after lunch with brill - jl called and told me that when i moved to richmond we must meet up. i politely declined - but i had to.
any man that enters my life will get more attention than i can afford to give and i really don't want to take any of the excitement of this new voyage to be shared with any loser.

plus as soon as i have a boyfriend all of my hopes/dreams about spending more time with my kids - well - it goes completely out the window.
in august 2008 - while me and bm were broken up i had gotten an apartment in rva and had most of my shit packed and two days before leaving he asked me to come back and i did.
at the time he said he would do anything to encourage the reunification between me and my kids - and less than two months later we were relapsing every day and night.
and soon after that i went from seeing my kids three days a week to not seeing them for seven months.
so guys don't really live up to their expectation.

you might think with the freedom of having my own place again - (note: i went from my dad's place in 2000, to living with jdg and marrying him and then kids and more kids, to jail, to my mom's, to bruce's, to rehab, to jail and then back to my mom's) - that i would be having 'company' a lot - but it's the last and probably one of the biggest things i'm going to avoid. men are just distractions to me and the longer i can avoid them the better my foundation will be be when i want to invite someone into my life.

if i let one more thing take up any of my day (meetings, baby job, yardwork) - it's going to be a dog.
i'm not going to be a dog snob at all - i am pretty certain i will adopt a dog - hopefully more puppy but it doesn't have to be six weeks but semi-puppy.

when i told zakkary that this is happening he was so happy - he said... quote.... "i waited for this news since you left mom!" if that's not enough encouragement to get past some of my anxieties i don't think anything will.

i got to see my brother about an hour ago -we hung out and laughed and laughed. took pictures and it was good stuff.... another gift of staying clean.
oh - and another gift of staying clean was taking a nap today.
the benefits of having a program and staying clean keep coming.