one says she's a friend of mine

so.

my dad is coming to bedford this week - it's time to have "the talk."

plus i miss him.

since i got on here last i saw my kids a few more times during spring break - i brought a couple friends along - that's a big help plus i get some decent recovery conversation on the way down and back.

i know that people who knew me before i came to bedford prolly have a hard time realizing what is actually going on in my life. the twelve step programs don't just keep me clean - cause to tell you the truth i don't even wanna use anymore. if it happens it's a fleeting thought and i can't tell you the last time i had one.

but what it does do - is help me when i wanna - react. i don't have to show my ass everytime i get angry or pissed off - there's a saying - fake it till you make it. and you can take it anyway you want - but i didn't react like i would've or even how you might've expected me to. and guess what it's a few days later - and i don't give a fuck.

it's not my problem to explain things - it's yours to try and figure out now.

spring is back and thank god for that too - i was really not ready for ninety degree weather.

jess and vin

the bubs.

jitters.

my munchkin.

if i did a control + f and read how many times i swore off bm i would probably not think it was as amusing - but this time i think i mean it. this time i did it for the greater good of my sexual health. i don't wanna fuck someone that might/prolly is fucking someone else and i'll ruin my streak of no std's.

i don't want a dude in the program - i know that much. but i definitely don't wanna be fucking no dude who is gonna be talking about how many roxys he took the night before.

dear god - please send me someone normal and preferably taller than me to be my pseudo-boyfriend and hiking partner.

thanks a mil.

tlg