so.today i not only have a million things on my "to-do" list but i gotta pull an all-nighter at work. this is okay - because with the money i'm making i'm not shopping (too much) - instead i'm spending it all on my kids and fuck - does it feel good.
i mean it does feel good.
there's something you learn in the rooms of aa/na - it's that we don't have to be a doormat any longer. i can honestly say it's been at least a year since i treated anyone like i can come and go and you will have to be okay with that.
i don't say things that hurt people and think the next day it's just gonna be 'okay' - when i was using i know i did this and i expected you to constantly forgive me without me ever uttering the i'm sorries that you deserved.
it was what it was.
but today i don't have to be grateful for anything less than what i give you. i'm not a second class friend and when i get treated like that i can say - NO - i will no be that kind of doormat any longer. if i hang out for that shit i stop being the victim to you and instead i'm your volunteer.
i have to go get the paperwork for the new shrink - i think i have been talking about this for tooooo long. i'm so reluctant to change though - i need to talk about it for months before ever making an attempt to get in the process.
going in and getting the paperwork and then getting accepted to this doctor is it's own process - so if i want help (and i do) i need to make the first step.
i got therapy at two and i need to stop by victorias secret - i got a pair of underwear and the color totally is not me. i know that sounds weird but picture light green/bright yellow on my skin.
i know - what was i thinking?
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