troubles will come and they will pass

so supposedly this weather means a mild winter and nothing like last year.

whatever.

i'm not quite sure i believe in the almanac but if it means believing means it'll come to pass - then amen.

so i guess it's apparent that i don't go to as much church as before - i hit up mass but i usually do it in bedford and haven't joined a church here yet.  

i'm gonna tell you why.

i'm scared to go to masses that are packed - i can't count the people - the children - the men/women - it gets overwhelming.  knowing the mass helps because i can pick it up anywhere but it still is overwhelming when i need to count and then still pray and pay attention.  

so yesterday i had a little breakdown - i told a handful of people a fear (that i don't find to be irrational or unwarranted) and my mom said that fear is a lack of faith.

and it might be true - i might've been less scared when i was going to church daily and i want that again. 

with my haircut i have to really do something to it everyday to keep it up so a real early mass wouldn't be ideal but getting back in church is probably the only place i'm going to find the real answer and real security i'm craving.

wednesdays are usually the baptist and the holy rollers day to have daily mass but for catholics it can be.  i'm gonna try and find a mass and get my ass to it. 

in the morning i flip from the morning show news, to morning joe, to the vids on vh1 (i know this doesn't sound good) but when i add in running (5k/37mins) and yoga it all evens out to cool? 

i think so.