love letters in the sand

bedford bedford bedford.

yesterday - i worked a really early shift, came home, showered, ate and went to sleep - between waking up early and working plus the drive the night before i was way tired. 

alot of people wonder why i am so dependent on jdg to give me kid time and it's like this - i could ease into it on his (our) schedule (basically i ask - he says no the first time and then he gives it a week/two and when i ask again he's all in) OR i could take him to court over everything and we both go broke (lawyer fee's are 250/300 hr his being 300) but i haven't asked him for something and got completely shut down yet.... 

bringing me to a day next week.  

so we all know (or do now) that zrg is obsessed with presidents - and especially the kennedy's all things kennedy and that boy loves (from jfk, rfk, john-john and lil' baby patrick) this shit - so i'm taking him to arlington and a bunch of the sites in dc i think that jase was trying to get me on a train by insisting we were gonna hit traffic one way or another but i can't afford the day trip plus the train (no matter how much zrg begged.)

*now - if jdg paid - i'm totally down with training it*

speaking of jdg - out of the four majors in my life it's him i am getting along with best.  this morning i called zrg and he was still sleeping - in the past jase would let it go to vm or have a baby answer saying zrg was asleep but he picked up and we actually talked for a few.  and everytime i see him we're talking sports or music or even movies or tv - it's like that time we never got before we got married.  now i'm not saying this is courting or anything like that but it's nice to talk to an ex and not talk about revolution (jlm) or fucking (bm) or even tm (past-posi-fucking) - i honest to god am serious i want all four of those assholes to get married and then i'll know it's not even possible to weasel my way into conversations, thoughts or plans.

go say i do - or say go away tlg - because that's how this girl needs closure.

OR - in response to beautiful written goodbye or even a celebration of goodbye - (thumbs super way up jlp) - go and die and be remembered forever.  

i miss him just as much as i did ten years ago but it's something that i choose to hold on to - it no longer holds onto me.

get over yourself and you'll see that the biggest things in life are bigger than text messages and whatever the fuck facebook is - get a life and donate some time to causes that need you (not video games) - play by the rules and pay taxes, obey the speed limit and give up the drugs - i mean we're all in our thirties now and it's time to not refer to each other as kids (i'm still guilty of this one.)

i'm gonna go to work tonight and try and keep my thoughts straight and keep them honest and more clean (clear) than they have been - not to focus on men or myth even (are they different?) and to get myself aligned with the only thing i have today - diet sierra mist and eight hours of boring.