take me out tonight.

so - i'm getting things ready for wednesday.

these are my busiest days so far.

member when i said my reading was pretty easy except- colossae - well this didn't help. that dude sounds like a foreigner - and i'm a yankee - in the south!

bless-ed be!

yesterday i had a friend over for dinner - then a meeting - then a meeting after the meeting - then a meeting in the car.

and i still was thinking about crazy stuff.

god help me.

today should be an okay day - i DO have a lot of homework but i really really need to relax too.

so in therapy last week someone told me i MIGHT have to travel to c-ville to find the guy of my dreams.

seriously.

bedford probably doesn't have what i want - and since i vow not to settle this might be my only option.

this is only because my crush - a. isn't catholic, b. an orphan (or not a mamma's boy) or c. a worthy jeopardy partner nor recently added d. musically creative.

if that means a trip out to charlottesville - i can do - but will my sneakers pull in the man of my dreams or do i need to wear something a bit more silver!?!

or is that chrome.

i post this picture because i really like it.

no lie.

living mathematics

i burned a disc - i remember making cds in 1999 and 2000 - then jdg happened, tm and bm - (funny it was jlm before all them - what's up with the ms?) - but anyway - yeah. i got a laptop that i kinda love - and i wasn't able to burn anything until i tried.

funny, huh?

trueblood last night made me laugh again. jason is pretty fcuking funny - his character is prolly my favorite.

hbo is really good with the soapoperas. i absolutely loved oz, carnivale, the wire and now trueblood. today we're having thanksgiving in august.

i am riding the fence with crush. and even though everyone is saying to wait (and he's okay with that) - i just wanna crawl up on him and snuggle.

and snuggle.

and snuggle.

and snuggle.

i remember when ____ used to sing to me.

that might've been three times.

wheel in the sky keeps me yearning

so i decided that i might work with a friend of mine - for maybe a day a week - or less - for now.

it's about babysteps i guess and that's what this is.

i know it's ANOTHER thing added to my already hectic week and it's another thing to worry about (while i'm there) - when talking to someone yesterday (thank you!) i heard something i absolutely loved - when i'm in the mess (i think i'm in) - to look down and see where my feet are.

that's it.

not in school. not in my homework. not in meetings. not in church (btw next week there's a word *colossae* that i might need help with ----- oh church lady), not in my crushes car, not here, not on any other blogging site, not in richmond, not in court, NOPE - i'm just right there. probably listening to music or knitting or eating.

gah.

i need to just relax.

in other news i was leaving a message for 'crush' and it clicked off. what does one do at a time like this? call back and possibly leave another message? bother said person again during business hours? what if the first message didn't even go through!!!?!?!?

LOOK AT MY FEET!

ah, birkenstocks!

(another tidbit of information - yesterday was FOUR years since i was laid off!)

welcome to my rockshow.

falling out with blue lou

i am doing HOMEWORK.

you herd!!! me.

i am as excited as you can get (lemme recap):

• i got out and mingled.
• i started school again
• i started to read at church
• i took a new commitment in the fellowship
• i am working with a new sponsor
• i might have a crush (mini-posi)
• i might be crushed on (mini-posi)

so the opportunity arose what's going to be my 'listening' movie and music. it has to be something that i know by heart and won't really pay attention. i remember pretty in pink and the breakfast club were two go-to's in the past - for the O-9 it's...................

true romance and theatre of pain.

and life imitating art or vice versa -- i am haunted and "just when things went right - doesn't mean they were always wrong" - i'm saying i can't get somethings (?) outta my head but i'm trying. and i'm gonna stop beating myself up over stuff that is in the past. whether it be something with j - b or even jlm or tm - i am done.

done.

done.

donzo.

...i've got my back against the record machine

i'll be appearing at my church every wednesday (for three weeks and then every other wednesday) as a liturgy reader. And fuck me sideways - I fucked up already. Practicing for the 'church lady' I said from a letter to the theologians instead of letter to the thessalonians. so i'm pretty sure that isn't what got me the job. regardless - i wasn't told about my tattoos, nor anything else. AND the church lady knew I was coming from my meeting so that wasn't even held against me.

so besides church and school and maybe even a baby job everything is going smoothly.

don't get me wrong - fuck ups appear all over. like sunday night - but I DID NOT let that shit get to me. hell no. sure i was shook up for a minute but two really good friends told me exactly what i needed to hear and well - it's all gravy since.

as a matter of fact - i think the thing i'm waiting for is here - i just wanna seriously take my time. it's that good. i'm serious.

Just relax, all right? It's me, your lover, not some demon, not your father, all right? Relax.

that's my favorite movie quote ever.

and by favorite - i mean most romantic.

that's the type of thing that my lover would say to me - not about the father shit or even the demon shit but the get a hold of yourself and let me love you stuff.

i heard a friend say recently that their 'picker' is broken - that must've been me. my 'picker' was broke and gahlee - i tried.

i swore off relationships - but gahlee - i know exactly who i wanna have one with.

yup.

i do.