I said "I'll see what I can do."

i knew i was in love two times in my life - (besides when with my children) - once was on the t and the other was in trenton at the train station. i feel very lucky for this. and here's the deal:

i don't want to out do these. i don't want to surpass them. and i definitely don't want to forget them. if you're lucky to forget life and step back and say 'this is love - this is what life is all about' - even once - i think you can die happy.

i won't try today or tomorrow - but if another one of these moments happens i won't forget to acknowledge it - but i know one thing - you can't plan for it.

i gotta go to lynchburg today - a few errands, some shopping and lunch with my wedding date. i guess that's a good sign. i knew i'd see him again - it was a good date.

today i'm wearing a bigfoot tshirt i got at goodwill - a&f shorts - big belt and big hoop earrings.

i'm saying - cute!

And Sugar, we're going down swinging I'll be your number one with a bullet

today - i had the bombass outfit on. i wore this fitted button down shirt - grampa watcha and boyfriend jeans (i really hate that term) - and gahlee it looked cute.

prolly too cute for bedford!

today i went to a quilt show at the library - for a girl who's really crafty i appreciate the craft of quilting even though i never tried it yet (see: i plan on quilting a blanket from their baby clothes).

anyway - at the library a lady lost her keys today. i was trying to imagine what it would've been like to have been in that situation and i just would've died (i think). but here in bedford she got a ride home (FROM ME!!!!) to get her second set and then back to the library (where we all seriously looked for an hour and while we were gone someone found them in a couch - under a quilt!). that is the type of girl i am today - and i am pretty fucking proud of it (OR i wouldn't of told y'all!).

i also am the type of girl that would ask the man maintaining the dollar operated stuffed animal claw grabbing machine at walmart if i could have the mini-cabbage patch kid. i thought what the hell - i really don't have the luck (or skill?) to win the mini-replica of my favorite doll of my youth - so maybe i'll use my swagger (and OUTFIT!) to get it.

it worked!

i remember getting a cabbage patch kid on the 15th year anniversary of cpk and now at 25th anniversary i am getting another surprise. one of my parents (hee) has offered to send my first cpk to bath camp! yes - you read correctly! elsa marie is getting a bath and is getting cleaned up. right down to a new diaper and her hair did!

tell me life isn't good and i'll show you the grin on my face!

but love is not a victory march

have you ever - for the pure sake that you didn't want to go into a period of "me" time with the stank of the last man you were with on your body.

you didn't want to think about that the last time you were loved on to be someone you truly don't want on your mind ever again - so you hook up with someone who knows that and is willing to help you erase that person from that said role.

no?

oh, me neither.

don't count sheep

ah.

so did the lion fall in love with the lamb again.

not yet.

this time - the church sign says - instead of counting sheep - talk to the shepard.

today i already feel accomplished - i got the wireless set up (again) - saw the foot doctor (yikes) and had breakfast! gotta love fiber in the morning.

i have been thinking A LOT about him lately - it's more dreams than anything else. i miss him sometimes there only - but i like to wake myself up - a lot too.

i finished reading the sookie stackhouse books - now i can watch true blood. call it a theme but i bought pdf versions of the black dagger brotherhood - and i'm quite excited.

i didn't mention it on here but thursday night a friend of mine passed on. however it happens losing someone is probably the most humble moment of someone's life - and you lose it as soon as you think you got it. so - i don't know how to explain except - i'll miss her.

it's raining like crazy here - the foot doctor was from that part of floriduh where accents don't exist (like jersey!) - he reminded me of something they say here - when you gotta plug in a lamp you'd say

"is it plugged up?"

wha?

this isn't butterflies anymore

Ah. So it’s Sunday. SUNDAY. Lemme recap.

Tuesday I had an appointment with a doctor to check out that oh-so-little-umbilical hernia that developed with Zakkary and got worse all the way through the twins. So - back to the doctor - my mom came along (driving is still a little issue) and was waiting in his office - and after we were gone 1.2 minutes he sits down next to her and he says “She’s having surgery tomorrow!” ME! I don’t know if getting less than 24 hour warning a good or bad thing but everyone was cheering me on.

So Wednesday comes and goes - my belly I think -- looks better - or I’m told it’s gonna. Either way I slept until Saturday pm. Until I started puking that is.

I puked and crapped from 10pm Saturday until 11am Sunday. The doctor called me in the anti-nausea pills and I feel better already.

Please never fail to forget my mom is the hospital with her own gut issue. It’s just about all this brain can take.

I just turned on the computer and the tv since Tuesday - I need to get so much done.

TOMORROW!

Foot doctor

Stomach doctor

Driving

Post Office

I did watch a little bit of 40 year-old Virgin - and thought about Sarah. I miss that girl so much.

Picture post returning tomorrow.

forever fickle

today was a really big day. of course the obvious is that i came back to bedford - the second most obvious is that it's probably the best move i've made in years.

i have a plan. it might not be the plan i had - let's say six months ago - but it's new and improved and doable and mine.

i haven't begun to think what the hell i am going to write about to summarize the past five months but i am going to write about it daily - that way i can keep a record of everything that's happened and gahlee - that's gonna happen.

i got a head start on the rest of the world.

i was up at 3:30 am.

tomorrow is wimbledon. it's my two favs ever.

life is good.

love,

tara

ps picture posts from now on.