NOOOOOOO.
rafa's out.
and now federer?
this sucks - i hate austrailia anyway.
zakkary's bday is coming together - i finally got in touch with the teacher about the lunch in and how many cupcakes. 22 students - one is diabetic. this is zakkary's best friend in school - he has autism full-on - and she suggested a 'salty' snack? wtf? like chips? the teacher said this would make him feel less left out.
what about me? i feel left out not knowing what to get the kid.
growl.
so with the bad weather in the northeast always - jl has decided to take the china bus to richmond. it travels in the middle of the night - i am taking my nighttime meds now so i can go to sleep and wake up at two to pick him up. i will take a few minutes with him (hee) and get ready for work (longest eight hours of my life guaranteed)
and then he'll go home saturday early evening when i pick up a few kids.
i think i need to see him and remind myself that i have made a life that may not be full of what could be but really what is.
i kinda told him why i was sorta sullen - and he gets it. but i can't help but think that i was being put on to think of something as pure joy to see me deflate (like predicted).
i gotta get strong and remind myself that i forgave myself for all that happened years ago when god did - so to think i somehow deserve to be treated bad is just not right.
oh - and i'm an idiot when it comes to tennis too. i made it home to watch the federer/djokovic semi and i caught up in the first set - IF they just would've put live in the upperleft corner i wouldn't've even looked it up - but the tension was too much for me and i just couldn't wait.
that's kinda what happened with tm - i couldn't wait any longer and when he gave me the smallest window i took it as real stuff (why wouldn't i?) and i ruined whatever outcome there might've been.
i say i got out just in time and i'll look back and see it's for the best -
reality ... i'll probably always wonder why.
fuck it - i gotta get ready.
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