but he'll never share my bed

yeah.

the last sentence that was said this morning - was -

"throw the ball at my face!"

and it was a game.

i'm saying - this morning has been my first with all four boys (alone) and it's good shit.  we are cleaning up - well - me and braeden cleaned up and now i'm waiting on laundry (accidents happen) and the dishwasher to finish - then jdg should show up to pick up the twins (they have a social at maymont park with their class! laa-dee-dah!)

and zrg, bdg and me are going to relax and prolly go out to lunch and hit a chesterfield park! i mean do you see what i mean by freedom!

(picture me with half of my face painted blue!)

(the other half is last night's mascara smudged perfectly even!)

so we have officially become a nascar house - bdg likes the number 24 car - zrg and i like the number 88 and the twins like the m&m car! but it had me thinking/wondering/wishfully hoping something last night....

why is it STILL that these southern guys (traditionally that's who racecar driver's are - specifically north carolina usually) marry prolly really pretty southern girls and then hand them 100k and they ALL look the same.  the big boob, big lip, big blonde fake hair women that sit perfectly still during the national anthem and then during the race i'm positive hand their kids off to someone and watch the dollars roll in with each passing lap.

when will a nascar driver, hockey player, basketball star - think that real is better.  maybe an alternative (i have to use that word here) guy with tattoos - i bet they'd make his sponsor hot topic or maybe manic panic and his wife could be some modded girl or just a regular girl.

which reminds me - of me!

do you think it's too late for my coming-of-age story.  yknow - like the real pivotal part of my is still yet to come and it's all gonna finally make sense.  the boy.  the opportunity. 

i wonder what could happen that would shape me even more - but i don't feel like my story is over.

or.

would it be the tragedy (could it get more tragic?) - like a hustler story - or even a money making scheme - i'm saying let the credits roll already.