but he'll never share my bed

yeah.

the last sentence that was said this morning - was -

"throw the ball at my face!"

and it was a game.

i'm saying - this morning has been my first with all four boys (alone) and it's good shit.  we are cleaning up - well - me and braeden cleaned up and now i'm waiting on laundry (accidents happen) and the dishwasher to finish - then jdg should show up to pick up the twins (they have a social at maymont park with their class! laa-dee-dah!)

and zrg, bdg and me are going to relax and prolly go out to lunch and hit a chesterfield park! i mean do you see what i mean by freedom!

(picture me with half of my face painted blue!)

(the other half is last night's mascara smudged perfectly even!)

so we have officially become a nascar house - bdg likes the number 24 car - zrg and i like the number 88 and the twins like the m&m car! but it had me thinking/wondering/wishfully hoping something last night....

why is it STILL that these southern guys (traditionally that's who racecar driver's are - specifically north carolina usually) marry prolly really pretty southern girls and then hand them 100k and they ALL look the same.  the big boob, big lip, big blonde fake hair women that sit perfectly still during the national anthem and then during the race i'm positive hand their kids off to someone and watch the dollars roll in with each passing lap.

when will a nascar driver, hockey player, basketball star - think that real is better.  maybe an alternative (i have to use that word here) guy with tattoos - i bet they'd make his sponsor hot topic or maybe manic panic and his wife could be some modded girl or just a regular girl.

which reminds me - of me!

do you think it's too late for my coming-of-age story.  yknow - like the real pivotal part of my is still yet to come and it's all gonna finally make sense.  the boy.  the opportunity. 

i wonder what could happen that would shape me even more - but i don't feel like my story is over.

or.

would it be the tragedy (could it get more tragic?) - like a hustler story - or even a money making scheme - i'm saying let the credits roll already.

to the seconds that we lost

so.

it's friday and boy have i been busy.

working took up much of the week - but then again i was in jersey last weekend buying - dun dun dun - a minivan?

and then on thursday i got to take the kids out (sans jason) - for the first time eva.  we went to mcdonalds - you wouldn't think that i was as excited as i got - but it was really awesome.

tomorrow i'm picking them up and we're having a sleepover - where we have the freedom to go to the park, the drive-thru or even the grocery store.  the point is that this move is giving me freedoms (responsibilities?) that i didn't anticipate so soon.  

amen!

whilst in jersey i made an effort to make amends with my sister-in-law - (note: NOT jdg's sister) - some of you may remember how i completely fucked every relationship i had when the disaster of 2007 occured and how now (and slowly) even people are coming back into my life (van, kids, family, friends) - (responsibilities) - it makes for trying to be good an honest-to-goodness real go.

speaking of kids - (heh) - braeden and zakkary wrote their letters to santa (ok, ok - i wrote bdg's) - but he wanted and wanted this bigfoot doll - so he's always my 'problem' child to shop for.

last year he wanted rescue heroes - he told santa that was the ONLY thing he wanted - so of course the fact that they stopped making rescue heroes in 2003 made it a lil' difficult. 

but with the power of ebay it was easy.

the bigfoot feels like it may be the cabbage patch of 1984 - or that tickle me elmo - so i went to buy it now.  now braeden - braeden - braeden - one-hundred bucks dude?

done! 

he always takes backseat to zakkary and gives up everything for the twins.

so christmas morning (pictures coming) he'll be a happy boy.

me? i've been happy (enough). between trying to work a little bit more (to afford bigfoot dolls) - (or keyboards, or new bikes - yes these are items on lists) or even trying to beg zakkary to let me teach him to take his medicine (it's NOT gonna happen) (see: thank god they make concerta in a patch!) or even entertaining my first company or even making friends with some people at work (seriously).

i haven't had that pleasure since the early early years of 2006 when i left the credit union.  i even started crafting some of the kids' teachers* christmas gifts (trivets).

even after working all day - i came home and cleaned my house and went grocery shopping, hooked up with a friend visiting his mom in hospital and made it home in time for some murderous 20/20 - morning star turk-ish burger and blogging (finally).

a picture dump coming soon. :)

*note: since bdg, jrg and vsg all go to a jewish school (and bleck) - i'll be only crocheting zakkary's teachers my crafty work.